Brides Gone Wild

So, I've returned from the 6th annual bridal fest 2010. My teeth hurt and my tongue is raw from the array of cake samples.My feet are achy from walking up and down the rows comprised of 186 booths of every wedding need a gal might have a hankering for. Wow! Unbelievable! 


When I say something for everyone; I'm lying.There's not much there for an enterprising woman on a small budget. If you have any sort of imagination, this is not the place for you. It is a wonderland if you can't think for yourself and you like your things to be like everyone else's things.It's a jackpot of overpriced look-a-likes.


Women who book fancy photographers have nothing better to spend their money on. I have never been in anyone's home where they have a poster sized portrait of any part of their wedding day hanging on the wall. Never. In this day, when every person is packing a camera phone and even the cheapest digital camera can take superior photo's, what's the point of hiring a pro? Instruct the guests that photography is strongly encouraged.Ask them to send them your way, and viola', cherished wedding memories.


On to venues for your special day: come on, you don't know anyone with a pretty backyard, a lovely FREE park, a V.F.W. hall? When you decorate it isn't it to your specifications and is a chandelier that important? D.J.? It's called a c.d. burner, now get to making a list of all your favorites and find out who has a kick-ass sound system and BORROW it. Really, you don't have a hammy friend who could play the part of d.j for one night? I bet you do. 




None of your friends bake? Is a traditional three tiered white cake the only thing you can come up with for the dessert part of the festivities? My friends Tom and Toni had a massive crispy creme doughnut tower instead of the usual cake. Genius and delicious. By the by, the newest trend- which bakeries don't want to tell you about- is the fake cake.That's a piece of Styrofoam (as big as you want) covered in fondant. The guests eat sheet cake and marvel at the massive wedding cake you have set up on a fancy table.Easy and inexpensive.

This is memorable...

This is not.

You are seriously going to pay a bunch of money for invitations? We live in a world in which senior citizens are computer savvy, I'm sure one of your computer geek friends would be happy to personalize something awesome for you.




Without going off; I could totally go off! The list in my mind is annoying purely because I can see the simplest ways of achieving whatever fantastic wedding you can dream up. If anyone is looking for a wedding planner at half the price of whatever a-hole you've hired, well look no further. I'm not sure that's my best sales pitch, but it's true. Don't be cattle trussed in white taffeta, being herded down a rose petal littered carpet toward the pulpit. Do you want it to be a memorable day, or a day that looks eerily like everyone and their monkeys wedding day?

This is interesting...

This is not.

For the record, I had a great time today with my girlfriends and my daughter. We had laughs and snacks and the girls got their faces airbrushed. The fashion show was a G-rated Chip and Dale's show- LOVED IT. I'm also not engaged; just a professional tag-a-longer.I strongly encourage the indulgence one of these events offers; to just to be a girl dreaming of a dream wedding.Whatever your vision of that may be.